It is the eve of Christmas Eve (December 23) and around the
world children are on their best behaviours in anticipation of the night that
Santa will travel to every house on the planet, delivering gifts using his advanced
stealth technology and potentially a super-fleet
of military aircraft. However, the anticipation of Christmas morning is
counterproductive to the means by which we bring it closer. Put simply, we can
all relate to getting so damn excited about the holidays that it becomes
impossible to sleep the night before. Not only does this make the time pass
more slowly; it prohibits Santa from working his techno-magic and breaking into
our houses undetected. With that in mind, we have four methods you can use to
get yourself to sleep and out of the fat man’s way:
Drugs!
The most obvious solution to the problem is to pop a few sleeping
pills or down a bottle of Nyquil. Sleep medications work in a few different
ways. For some medications (allergy meds in particular), drowsiness is just a
side effect of their main purpose. These medications are appealing because they
are easy to acquire and are generally less dangerous than prescription sleep aids.
The drugs that are harder to get, however, tend to be more targeted in their strategies. Most sleeping pills bind to your brain’s GABA
receptors. GABA is an inhibitory neurotransmitter. In layman’s terms, it is
a chemical produced naturally in your brain that dials down activity. Some prescription sleep aids are
able to bind to GABA receptors in regions of the brain specifically associated
with sleep, leaving other areas unaffected. Other, newer medications can even
target the part of your brain that produces your body’s natural sleep-wake
rhythms (the hypothalamus). These solutions aren’t perfect, though. They can
lead to memory loss, hallucinations, and even instances of sleep-walking. Also,
some people have an “issue” drugging their kids for something as trivial as
getting them to sleep on a non-school night, so let’s explore some other options
and try to find a kid-friendly one.
Booze!
When in doubt, break out the eggnog. Truly, words to live
by. As many of us are aware, part of the process of gradually
poisoning yourself with alcohol is that, at some point, you might pass out. Alcohol
is a depressant, meaning that it impairs function in certain parts of your
brain. We all know the impact this can have on coordinated motor functions like
walking and talking, but it also applies to the deeper, more primal regions of
your brain that control very basic things like keeping you conscious. As
alcohol spreads through your brain it naturally wants to equally
disperse itself. That means, while you may only want to turn off the
parts of your brain that are preventing you from talking to the attractive
intern at the office Christmas party, eventually the booze will work its way
into your brain’s alertness centre. When that happens, your body will basically
shut down. This may be a good thing if your goal is to suddenly find
yourself waking up in a bathtub on Christmas morning, but it does have its
drawbacks. Completely ignoring the prospect of an absolutely epic hangover
(turn down the Christmas carols, please) you may overshoot your target level of
intoxication and end up dead from alcohol poisoning. Sorry, kids.
Trauma!
Simple and to the point, a well-placed blow to the head will
send you off to dreamland in a snap. Ask any boxer to describe
getting knocked out and you will quickly understand the process.
Over the course of a fight, as punches pile up, boxers often describe feelings
of numbness, stumbling, loss of coordination, trouble thinking and eventually
total collapse. Basically what is happening is that as your head snaps around
in response to impact, your brain smashes up against your skull. When that
happens, normal function gets scrambled in the same way it does when you drop
your cell phone from an uncomfortable height. This is potentially the worst way
to put yourself to sleep. First off, if Santa finds you unconscious and bloody,
he might infer reasons to put you on the naughty list. Second, concussions
are damaging and – given enough of them – fatal. Definitely not worth the
risk.
Exercise!
In the end, the best solution to our sleep dilemma is the
one you least want to hear at this relaxing time of year. As it is for basically every other physical
problem, exercise is the safest answer. Exercise fatigues your body
and mind at the same time that it produces melatonin,
a neuro-chemical that controls sleep and repairs muscles. For the average
person, regular aerobic exercise is one of the simplest ways to ensure a
better, more restful night’s sleep. Even people with insomnia benefit from
exercise, albeit at a slower pace. Research has shown that regular exercise
over a period of four
months can begin to restore normal sleep cycles in even the most sleep deprived people. So if you routinely have
trouble sleeping and want to be prepared for Christmas, start running on Labour
Day.
So there you have it! Plenty of options to help you get to
sleep. This list isn’t exhaustive, though. There are many
other ways to overcome the urge to stay up all night, including not
ingesting sugar or caffeine before bed (lay off the cocoa), and lowering the
temperature of your room (crack the window, it’s only a minor blizzard). See
you on Christmas morning. Sweet dreams!
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